how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
