foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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