After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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