you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
