this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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