I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He has the fingertips of a God
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