If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
