I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I smell stomach acid.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
