Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
