I hate all girls vehemently.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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