if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
