stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
