i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
