i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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