My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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