so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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