ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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