i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
