Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize