I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
