The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
