then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The ass gains better be worth it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
