I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
