Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
