Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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