why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
