just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
