Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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