I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
