Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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