he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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