He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
