woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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