I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
