Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize