apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
