My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
