Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
