Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
