Will you blow on my dice?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
