What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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