this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
