i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
