So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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