My brain says no but my pants say off.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
