I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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