id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
