did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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