I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
