yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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