Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
