he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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