I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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