wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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