omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
