I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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