ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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