what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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