dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
