I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
