It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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