I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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