it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
