So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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